Tips for the Exclusion Phase
A few indications which characterize this phase are found the section titled “Punishments – Exclusion.” Under the heading “Help for Ex-Members,” you’ll find statements from various former members about what was helpful to them in this situation. Read that carefully.
At first, it’s difficult to recognize this phase at all. You’ll be informed neither by your loved one nor by the group, if he’s excluded. Generally, you’ll notice it only indirectly, if his address has changed and varies from the address of the Holic communal quarters. If you only have the cellphone number as the contact for your loved one, you won’t be able to recognize any change. If you call the landline number for the Holic community, and they tell you that he’s not there any more, you can ask how you can reach him. Perhaps he’s only moved to a different Holic community in a different city. In the case of an expulsion or an exit, they’ll rarely relay the new address. But at least you can leave a message, or request contact. That can still get to your loved one, if his address or telephone number is known to the group.
For your loved one, it is an extremely difficult situation. The worst thing that he could imagine has happened. In this
phase, the excluded person wants to be accepted as quickly as possible back into the group as a repentant sinner. He will therefore avoid anything which could hinder or endanger this re-entry, including contact with other excluded members, but also with his family and previous friends. If he should seek such a contact, this would be a sign of his transition into the phase of inner distancing.
In this phase, and in the following phase, you’ll need to act very sensitively and delicately. You’ll need to reckon with strong fluctuations in the behavior of your loved one. Thus, after several hopeful contacts, a radical avoidance of contact can suddenly happen.
Generally, the instructions about the fascination phase are valid for this phase, too. Your loved one still feels bonded to the Holic Group.
But look for any signals which indicate an emerging distance from the group. Don’t express massive criticism of the Holic group right away, however; that would only trigger the familiar defense mechanisms which then lead again to a strengthened identification with the group.
Other family members and relatives, who are in contact or who come into contact with the excluded Holic member, should be well informed about the Holic Group. They need to be equipped with this information, so that they won’t do or say anything wrong or rash.